My Journey through Breast Cancer

On October 11, 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage II Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) ... or as we like to call it, extreme measures for a nap (EMFN). For a while, this blog will be my cancer journal. Enter at your own risk.

25 July 2011

groundhog day

There has been a lot to get used to over the past several months. In December I left my job of nearly five years. I had our second baby. We moved out of my parents' house into a home of our own. For the first time since Josephine was born, I was on my own with the kids ... day in, day out. I no longer have the constant companionship and help of my mom, with whom I lived while Josie was a baby, while I was pregnant with Eleanor, and in those first months after becoming a mom of two. Needless to say, there have been a lot of adjustments of late.

The most recent adjustment finds me coming to terms with the tedium of daily life as a stay-at-home mom of two pre-school aged children. I do the same things every single day: the dishes, the laundry, straightening, changing diapers, quelling arguments, saying "no" to more cookies or Curious George or jumping on my bed, being humored by meltdowns and tantrums as well as new words and new talents and the spontaneous hug, playing Legos, putting them down for naps, getting them up from naps, pouring another cup of milk, fixing another bottle of formula, wiping spit up off my pants, trying to figure out something for dinner, trying to find time to take a shower, wondering if bed time will EVER come ... you get the idea.

Every. Single. Day.

A friend of mine recently likened it to the movie Groundhog Day, where Bill Murray lives the same day over and over again ... until he learns some valuable life lessons. Only then is he allowed to move on with his life. And so, I'm trying to figure out what valuable life lessons there are to be gleaned during this time of sheer redundancy in life. I know there is great value in raising my children. I do. And yet it can be so dull! Where is my life going? What is its purpose? Another load of laundry?? Yet another pot of macaroni and cheese? Surely there is more to life than this!

In anticipation of the answers and comments I'm sure to receive: I know there's more meaning in my life than laundry and dishes and spit up. In my head, I know that. And I know there is great value to being at home with my children. And I know this is fleeting, a short period of time compared to the rest of my life (not to mention eternity, right?). I know I glorify God by being the best mom and wife I can (though I'm pretty sure most days I fail). I'm afraid sometimes I just don't feel like there is much meaning to the day-in-day-out tedium that is my life right now.

Now to get that shower before the kids wake up ... my beautiful, smiling, wonderful children. They really are the most beautiful little girls in the world. Have you met them? You'd have to agree if you met them. Really, I would do anything for them. Even another load of laundry.


km said...

It's still Groundhog day, but instead of bottles of formula it's Powerade, and oh...there's no naps.

A friend linked to this blog this week and I've been enjoying...
Read the post titled The Long View.

I'm done with diapers, but I'm not at the end either. Keeping "the long view" helps me to stay the course.

Gypmar said...

I don't know if it helps, but you are definitely not alone! I wouldn't trade my stay-at-home mom status, but I often find it tedious. Worth it? Yes. Fun? Not necessarily. It's hard not to feel guilty about feeling like it's a bit of a slog.

Hang in there! You're at one of the toughest times right now. You'll get a bit of a break when you get to my point (5 & 7)--old enough to go to school, young enough not to have major life issues :)