My Journey through Breast Cancer

On October 11, 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage II Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) ... or as we like to call it, extreme measures for a nap (EMFN). For a while, this blog will be my cancer journal. Enter at your own risk.

19 November 2013

the drudgery of healing

In those first days after surgery, I didn't mind just sitting around. It hurt too much to move, and there were lots of people to help anyway. Besides, I spent most of those days sleeping. Turns out I can fall asleep just about anywhere when I'm still trying to rid my body of anesthesia and narcotic drugs.

But since then, as I've started to feel better, sitting around has become a bit boring. I'm well enough to move around, but not well enough to pick up my kids. I'm well enough to walk through Target for a while, but not well enough to carry my own purse. Its a tricky and annoying state of in-between. Its weird to be well enough to laugh and joke with someone ... and then watch them clean my house ... because I'm not well enough to push a vacuum or dust in hard-to-reach places (thank you Kathie!). Its hard to remind my husband that he can't take the dogs for a walk because I can't be left alone with my own baby. I don't like this in-between, this well-but-not-well state of being.

But I'm just not there yet. In fact, this week I'm dealing with a new complication somewhat common to surgery ... severe gas back up. Yep, I know you wanted to know that. But because all that anesthesia stops everything from doing its job for several hours, it can take several weeks to get everything moving and working properly again. And I am getting quite anxious for my small intestines to start moving! I'm experiencing rather extreme pain in my rib cage, all the way up to my shoulders. it makes breathing difficult, and last night I hardly slept at all due to the knife-like pain in my back. I know it sounds strange, but its just gas. And so far, no amount of gas-x seems to help. (I see the doc tomorrow, and hopefully he'll have a stronger remedy.)

Its drudgery. Its the trenches of healing. Besides the gas, I've decided I'm done with the drains, even though the doc says I'll have them maybe two more weeks. I'm longing for a real shower, and I am SO longing to pick up my own baby. Life is drudgerous. (Its a word I just made up.) I live in Drudgerdom. Day in, day out ... wait for my body to heal itself. Its boring, its sometimes painful, and its making me impatient.

I know in the long run these days will feel like they flew by. At least I hope so. But today ... today they're drudgery.

Today please claim with me Psalm 27:14 -

Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.

1 comment:

Heidi Stokke said...

Dear Heidi, we are praying for you. Recovering from major surgery isn't easy, I do understand! Let the others help you and 'listen' to what God is teaching you during this time. He will lead you and strengthen you in amazing ways. And when you have passed through the fire, how lovely it will be.
Please pray for us as we head back up to Pennsylvania. Mike's mom went to glory this morning.