My Journey through Breast Cancer

On October 11, 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage II Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) ... or as we like to call it, extreme measures for a nap (EMFN). For a while, this blog will be my cancer journal. Enter at your own risk.

03 November 2013

forgive me

With surgery just 4 days away, I can feel self-absorption starting to take hold. I want so badly to be interested in the world around me, to care about everyone else ... but I'm finding that harder and harder. It's all I can do right now to give my husband and kids what they need from me each day. Reluctantly, I find myself somewhat consumed with what I am about to undergo. Most reading this will probably say, "But of course! Don't worry about it!" But I do. I feel guilty. I'm not saying its rational! Its just how I feel.

There are so many of you who've written lovely notes, through facebook, email, text message, and even a few have arrived in the actual snail mail. Many of you have called, or offered to call, and I have not called you back ... or even replied to your request to call. I am so sorry!! I wish I had the energy to sit down with every friend and say a personal thank you, answer all your questions, personally accept all your well wishes and prayers. I hope you know that. I find myself beginning to fear that I will lose friends through this process, simply because I don't have the energy to engage.

But I'm realizing I have to let go of the guilt I've been feeling over all this unresponsiveness on my part. I want you all to know that I have been touched by so many thoughts of love and care for me and my family. I am so thankful for every tangible gift that has been given (books and meals and formula and cash for copays). I can't tell you how thankful I am for those of you who have intentionally reached out to Caleb, my mom, my sister, and my in-laws. I am overwhelmed by the support of our friends and family ... and even so many who are just friends of friends or family! The outpouring has been overwhelming. And such a huge blessing. I can't even quantify what a blessing it has been.

So today I'm hoping it will be enough to send a universal THANK YOU! to everyone who has contacted us and wished us well. We are overwhelmed. And we love you too!

1 comment:

Heidi Stokke said...

Just let us all minister to you Heidi. All our love and prayers for you tomorrow and all the days to come. Heidi and Mike