My Journey through Breast Cancer

On October 11, 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage II Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) ... or as we like to call it, extreme measures for a nap (EMFN). For a while, this blog will be my cancer journal. Enter at your own risk.

31 October 2013

can I complain a little?

Ella woke me up this morning by banging on her door with her feet (she lays on the floor behind the door, and proceeds to throw her feet at the door, to make the absolute loudest noise possible). As you can imagine, its my least favorite wake up call. She was also yelling. It was 6:30 a.m. I ignored it at first. I made her wait a while, and she stopped for a while, but when it started up again 20 minutes later, I couldn't take it any more. So I went and got her up, punishing her first. I was a little irritated. This made her cry. So I picked her up and loved on her, carrying her out to the den. I called behind me for Josie to follow us. As I sat down in the den with Ella, I hear Josie start to cry from her bedroom. I finally went in to see what the fuss was about, and she says, with tears in her eyes and a quaver in her voice, "I want to come out." And I think, "Didn't I tell her to follow us a minute ago? And shouldn't the open door and light in the den indicate she can come out anyway?" I worry about this girl's sense of independence. But I try to ignore these logical thoughts and simply tell her "Of course you can come out." And we all proceed to sit on the couch, the crying finally stopping. Fortunately, Eowyn slept through all this.

Why does she sleep through all this chaos? Because she was up at 2:15 (for at least 45 minutes), 4:00 and 6:00. She's exhausted!

But do you know who actually has a reason to cry this morning?? Me! I was up half the night with a crying baby. And what's more, I've woken up with a sore throat, congested, and with a raging headache. And because I have surgery looming in less than 10 days, I'm not allowed to take anything for it! And you know what? I have surgery looming in one week! When do I get to dissolve in tears over stupid stuff?

Some days I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day. Today is one of those days. I have to sign off now, because I can hear Eowyn crying from her room, Josie's reminding me every 20 seconds that she's hungry, and Ella is currently trying to climb into my lap while I type.

Lord give me strength!!

1 comment:

melanie said...

I give you permission to fall apart!

Love you friend! Real email coming soon. Melanie