My Not-so-Secret Identity

I am not perfect, by any means. I will never be responsible for world peace or averting natural disasters. I don’t catch bad guys, diffuse bombs, or perform surgery. A superhero I am not. (Though I’m pretty sure I’d look awesome in a cape.) Even so, I have abilities I defy even Superman to claim.

First of all, I MAKE babies ... little human beings. Try that, Superman. My other talents include, but are not limited to: cooking dinner with one hand while holding a 24-pound baby in the other … every night. I can load the dishwasher while a toddler clings to my legs. I can carry a diaper bag, a purse, grocery bags and a baby while holding the hand of a toddler and crossing the street. I can finish a household’s worth of laundry in a single day. I can go three days without a shower. I speak toddler-ese and even a little baby-ese. I can accomplish nearly any task while children crawl all over me. I can have a conversation in the middle of a temper tantrum. I can retrieve a pacifier while driving. I can play the same game over and over and over and over and over and over …. I can cook dinner, do laundry, catch up with my husband, referee pushing matches, wash dishes and answer the phone … at the same time. And I can do all these things on almost no sleep, a granola bar and a Coke.

I am the keeper of the snacks and the milk, band-aids and hand soap, toys for the car, jackets and blankets, sunscreen, lotion, extra pants and plenty of diapers. I can repair toys and find the missing pieces. I can create games out of any ordinary household object. I always have crayons and a coloring book. I am an excellent swing pusher.

I am not afraid of spit up, throw up, snot, drool, poop, or blood. I do not fear the temper tantrum. I will head into potty training with confidence and hope.

My greatest power of all? I can get Curious George on TV at any time.

I am chef, activities director, nurse, housekeeper, launderer, chauffeur, referee, advocate, teacher, enforcer, comedian, human jungle gym. I am an expert on everything, able to count to ten, recite my alphabet and name every animal at the zoo at a moment’s notice. I know every color in the rainbow.

I do not fear fear itself! I set aside my fears and let my kids try new things, like climbing and running and jumping off things. I am confident this same ability will kick in when it’s time for driving and dating and leaving home without me.

I dry tears and calm fears of every kind. My lap and arms alone can heal the deepest hurts.

Who am I? I am Mom. Mess with me at your own risk. (Does anyone have a cape I can borrow?)