New Year's Resolution #4

The last of my somewhat formal resolutions is the most difficult to articulate ... which is why its last. In importance it should probably be first, but I've been reluctant to try and put it into words. I think the idea as a whole still needs serious thought on my part, and I don't like to write unless I've thought things through a little more thoroughly. But I've decided I need to start somewhere, so I start here, on my blog, for the world to judge as it will.

As I've alluded to in previous posts, I have become quite disgruntled with my own state of spiritual dryness. And it is high time I do something about this. And I figure, what better time than the beginning of a new year to start fresh in my relationships, too? And embarrassing as it may be to admit, it happens that my most important relationship has become my most neglected relationship. And that needs to change. Christ should be at the center of my life, and he's not right now.

I have made one commitment for the new year that I am confident will help move me in the direction I want to go. I've joined a women's mentoring program at my church that begins at the end of this month. I'm looking forward to the Bible study, the mentoring, the cooking lessons (yes, cooking lessons), and to the fellowship with women wiser and more committed to their spiritual affairs than I have been of late. Just being around women like that is such an encouragement, and spurs me on to be more like them.

I am also considering joining the Women's Bible Study at my church when it starts up again next month. Most of the girls I know go to the morning study, which I can't attend because of work. However, there is an evening version, which technically I'm able to attend. I've had all kinds of excuses why I don't go, but I'm starting to wonder if those excuses aren't just that, excuses. Spiritual growth takes work, sacrifice, and time. And these are the very things I'm loathe to give up. I'm just starting to wonder if in this case the end result might justify the means. I know I need some external structure to begin growing again, to be challenged, to be in the Word, to be praying.

I know one night a week doesn't sound like much to some, but I am a low-activity introverted homebody, and committing to another night out a week is actually a really big decision for me, even when it comes to things that I not only want, but know are good for me.

Perhaps you can begin to see how this is my least defined resolution for the year, and yet one of utmost importance. I guess the one comforting thing is that my spiritual growth is only partly my job. God does most of it actually. My main responsibility is to be open and inquiring and to keep my ears open.

I'll keep you updated.