My Journey through Breast Cancer

On October 11, 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage II Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) ... or as we like to call it, extreme measures for a nap (EMFN). For a while, this blog will be my cancer journal. Enter at your own risk.

05 October 2007


Apparently I didn't have quite enough energy to get me through the entire week this week. I had a hard time getting up this morning and have been walking around a bit like a zombie. My first task on arriving at work was to get myself some coffee, which usually helps pull me out of the fog. But apparently my zombie-like reflexes weren't sufficient to keep me from spilling creamer all over the counter; and then 10 minutes later, after that mess was cleaned up, spilling coffee all over my desk and myself. All this within 15 minutes of arriving at work! While I was cleaning up I noticed a stain on my shirt, which I hadn't noticed when I put it on this morning. I wish I could go home and start over, but I have no choice but to plow through. Its just going to be one of those days. I'm trying to keep from moving around much, waiting for the caffeine to kick in and help heal my zombie-like state. I just gotta get to 5:00, then I can go home and climb back into bed and sleep until tomorrow.

Just outside our condo, in the eaves of the car port, there's a spider that has taken up residence. The tenacity of this spider has left me in awe most mornings for the past month. By the end of each day, her web is mostly destroyed. But every morning, as we head out to the gym, it has been completely rebuilt, in perfect symmetry, ready for another day of trapping yummy flies and bugs. If it were me, I would tire of this circular lifestyle, the never-ending task of building and rebuilding. But I am inspired by the spider. Maybe not enough to rebuild anything, but I'm feeling inspired to redecorate something. A little hard work can result in some beautiful symmetry, not to mention dinner.

I think its odd that I can't write neatly with my left hand. Though it seems to be a better typer than my right. And its definitely the prettier hand, what with its diamond adornments and all. Maybe that's its job? To be pretty. I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that simply said, "Stand Still. Be Pretty." If only that paid well. Anyway, I wish I could do more with my left hand. But for me, the right hand is for function, the left for form alone. I suppose I'll have to be content with that set up.

I'm currently reading a book called "Pillars of the Earth" by Ken Follett. Its an interesting book that takes place in the Middle Ages. It follows several key characters whose lives interact with the building of a cathedral in England. The building takes several decades to build, and the ups and downs of the building process parallel the lives of those who are involved with it. Its an oddly fascinating story, one you'd think would be boring, and yet has captivated me. There are pages of description about how cathedrals are built and the theories of the day about building such a structure. I'm almost finished, and I anticipate an ending full of meaning ... something along the lines of how our lives can leave lasting impressions on generations to come, like a cathedral built to stand the test of time. I have a sneaking suspicion the "pillars" mentioned in the title have more to do with the strength of the people who build than the building itself.

I have been somewhat discouraged at myself lately. My progress in the weight loss department has been non-existent for at least three months now. I continue to be encouraged at how I've been able to keep off what I've already lost. But I am still at least 15 pounds from my goal, probably 25 from a doctor's goal. But those last 15 pounds are a stubborn bunch. I suppose its not completely their fault. Though I continue to work out regularly, I've found myself with little willpower to avoid things like M&M's and extra cream in my coffee. Its been just enough to keep me from losing anymore. I'm just so pleased with how far I've already come, its hard to keep going. And yet its what I want! I don't want to settle for good when I can have best. So, slowly but surely, I'm getting myself back on the bandwagon. This week has been the best I've had in months, eating-wise. I'm hoping to keep easing myself back into it, and lose that last 15 by Christmas. Or at least the end of January.

Though Southern California doesn't get to enjoy true change of seasons, we're still sitting on the brink of my favorite time of year: Fall. Though the calendar says we're already there, we're still waiting for the weather to fully turn. I can't wait to pull out the knee socks, the corduroy, and everything chocolate brown. Its a cozy season, without being too cold to go outside and enjoy blustery winds and falling leaves.

Three cheers for Fall ... and for Friday! Happy weekend everyone!

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