My Journey through Breast Cancer

On October 11, 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage II Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) ... or as we like to call it, extreme measures for a nap (EMFN). For a while, this blog will be my cancer journal. Enter at your own risk.

29 May 2009

last day

Well, today is my last day at work ... for a while at least. After today, all that's really left to do is, well, have this baby. Am I ready for that? I don't know. Part of me is hoping I go another two weeks or so before labor starts. I could use the time at home to finish cleaning and organizing and getting rest. And yet, I'm also just so stinking tired of being pregnant, I'd welcome labor pains at any moment. Cleaning and organizing can happen when she graduates from college. All I know is that the waiting game has begun. My official due date is one week from this weekend, though I expect it'll be two weeks before we have any real action. I figure if I keep my expectations further out, then I won't be too disappointed when June 8 comes and goes without contractions and that longed-for harried drive to the hospital.

This impending and imminent motherhood thing has certainly been on my mind a lot lately. Having just recently celebrated Mother's Day, I can't help but compare myself to my own amazing mom. If I can be half the mom she was and is, I think my kids might turn out OK. And, though lots of domestic things come to mind like how good she is at cooking and crafts and decorating, its her character I long to most emulate. She is patient and humble, and truly interested and invested in her kids. She's also one of the wisest women I know. It seems a lot to live up to, and yet when I express any concern or fear to her about raising my own kids, she is encouraging and confident that I will do a great job, which means a lot to me. As many of you know, I'm not really what you'd call "a kid person." But my mom assures me she wasn't either, and look how great HER kids turned out.

Fortunately, babies don't enter the world at the terrible twos, ready for their first day of school or driving, or in the midst of the crazy teenage years. I get to start at the beginning, and take things one day at a time. I'm worried enough about breast feeding and changing diapers, I don't think I could handle much else just yet.

When I set aside my fears and uncertainties, I find myself really excited for this next and newest adventure in life. I can't wait to meet our daughter, the little wiggle worm who has taken over my body for the last 9ish months. I can't wait to see what she looks like, to watch her personality emerge, to dress her up in all the cute clothes we've been given (which is funny, 'cause even though I was never much into dolls, I can't WAIT to play dress up with Josie!). I just can't wait to get to know her.

I also can't wait to parent with Caleb. Though neither of us knows much about what we're getting into, we're excited to dive in together. Its always nice to be on a steep learning curve along with someone else, especially someone else equally as invested in the learning process. Oh, and talk about a man who is already wrapped around his baby's finger. Its going to be fun watching him be the sucker I know he'll always be for her.

I'll keep you as updated as I can over the next couple weeks. Here we go!


km said...

I'm so excited for you and this wild ride you're about to jump on. I know the sleepless nights will feel like an eternity...and you'll probably hear this too much. But, Oh My goes SO FAST! I can't believe that I'm almost a mom of 3 schoolage kids. I swear it was yesterday I was thinking about my last day at my job...and making my last drive home on the 55...and thinking about when 'real labor' would start. Just where you're at today. I'm not sure if I just blinked, or what...but 7 years have flown by. I know you're going to be a fantastic mom because you love God and are willing to let Him lead you in this area too.

Gretchen said...

You will make a great and fun mom!! Can't wait to hear the good news about Josie entering this world!

Heidi Stokke said...

Praying for you Heidi, each morning, as you await the arrival of your little Josie. Don't be shy about asking for meds during labor! I had Hans and Anna natural and was so hoping that they would give me something:) I know your folks must be so excited to. Much love, the 'other' Heidi

Nancy Martin said...

Guess what!? Kim's daughter arrived yesterday and she has a wonderful name! Heidi!

What do ya think of that!? =)