My Journey through Breast Cancer

On October 11, 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage II Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) ... or as we like to call it, extreme measures for a nap (EMFN). For a while, this blog will be my cancer journal. Enter at your own risk.

14 January 2008

weekends are my favorite

It doesn't seem to matter what I do with a weekend, whether I relax to the point of boredom or spend the whole weekend getting things done, I'm never quite ready for Monday when it comes. And so I start wishing my weekends were longer, and since I'm wishing, I might as well wish big right? So I start wishing my weekends were 7 days long, maybe 19, maybe never ending. I wonder what it would feel like for all of life to be a weekend? I'm certainly willing to participate in the experiment.

Unfortunately, the sometimes-too-reasonable side of my personality recognizes that all play and no work isn't really good for a person. I might begin to lose a sense of the value of things, I might become idle and indulgent, and therefore selfish with my time and my resources. I'd certainly lose any semblance of routine, which is necessary for my very existence. Too much of a good thing also keeps us from truly appreciating that good thing. For instance, if I had mint chocolate chip ice cream three times a day, I'd cease to truly appreciate its superiority over all other foods, and maybe even find myself wishing for a different flavor (I know, the sacrilege!). And I have a feeling these rules can be applied to weekends, too. If it were always the weekend, I wouldn't have a weekend to look forward to. And I wonder ... would I look forward to work? There's a concept.

So I've decided my problem isn't so much that my weekend is so short, its that the things I get/have to do during the work week aren't exactly stimulating, exciting, thrill-inducing. I wake up on Monday to another week of filing, phone answering, computer staring, coffee making and list completing. Don't get me wrong, I have a good job. Its not stressful, I work with great people, and I get paid decently enough. But, I think the bottom line is that my "daily grind" is mostly that, a grind. Its not stressful, but its also not really challenging or brain-stimulating. Its become something I need to get through so I can get to the things I really truly enjoy ... travel, knitting, reading, spending time with people I love, sleeping, writing, studying. And yes, I get to do these things periodically, but wouldn't it be great to get paid for these things?! Oh, with what JOY I would awake every morning!

The other day I watched the end of a football game. It was a pro game, don't even ask me who the teams were. But it was snowing, and by the end of the game you couldn't see the lines on the field for the snow. And here were these big burly football players, playing in the snow. They were slipping and sliding and dropping the ball. I'm sure it was frustrating at times, but those guys looked like they were having a ball ... even throwing snowballs between plays. I am just SURE those players get up every morning and say, "We get to play football today!" I envy those people who get to realize life-long dreams and do what they truly love to do. Professional athletes, travel writers, knitting pattern designers, editors, columnists, talk show hosts.... I know even for them every day isn't cherry picking and coconut cream pie, but still ... there's got to be a difference, don't you think?

On many levels, I couldn't even tell you right now what my dream job is. But I'm madly searching my soul for those ideas, and then I want to turn those ideas into something tangible and doable. I imagine motherhood will be a fantastic job, but right now I'm looking for those occupations that result in cold hard cash. I harbor no delusions that I'll be able to be a non-working mom. I live in Southern California, and unless we win the lottery some time soon, I'm going to have to continue working after we have kids. So the search continues for the perfect stay-at-home job situation, one that I get excited about, one that uses my talents and my passions, one where I feel like I'm challenged to be better than I am, one that gets my blood flowing. I want to wake up on a Monday morning one day and be truly excited about what the day has to hold. I know I know, perhaps an attitude change would help me with that even now, and I'll work on that. But it doesn't mean I can't keep looking for something better.

Carpe Diem!

1 comment:

Mom Dub said...

Three comments:

There is a way to have endless weekends. It's called "retirement"!

Have you ever heard of the saying, "Every mom is a working mom"? It is the best job and the hardest job you will ever have. You'll find out in the not-to-distant future, I hope!

You know what your stay-at-home job could be is writing a column of your life observations for a magazine or newspaper, just like your blog.

=-)