My Journey through Breast Cancer

On October 11, 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage II Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) ... or as we like to call it, extreme measures for a nap (EMFN). For a while, this blog will be my cancer journal. Enter at your own risk.

24 January 2008

that damn scale

Some of you out there have never had to bother much about seriously losing weight. Either you have a metabolism that will conquer an entire Mother Lode chocolate cake with a vengeance, or you've just always been a healthy and conscientious eater. For you, the scale has probably never been much of a sworn enemy, and your love-hate relationships don't have much to do with food and exercise equipment. Today I envy you. For those who've never had to lose more than a few pounds here and there, it might be difficult to understand just what a struggle it can be. And for me it isn't about some unrealistic Mary Kate and Ashley Olson size goal ... its about being healthy, climbing mountains without dying, having energy to get through my day, and being able to be active when I grow old. And a big part of being healthy is being at a healthy weight ... which I'm still about 20 pounds from. And MAN is it hard!

Last week when I stepped on the scale (which I do only once a week to gauge progress), it told me I'd lost two pounds that week. YAY! I was back on track after the holidays and two pounds closer to my goal. And then this week when I stepped on the scale, I think the scale decided to play games a little ... because after another week of regular exercise and better eating habits, it said I had not only gained those two pounds back, but an additional pound as well! How could this be!?! It really threw me off for the whole morning, and got me thinking about just how much work this last 20 pounds is going to be.

Obviously, I have to seriously cut out sugary snacks ... even that small handful of m&m's I allow myself some days (not even every day!). Then there's the creamer in my ONE cup of decaf coffee in the morning. Is that making that much of a difference? What about the size of my piece of chicken or salmon? Is it too big? Am I eating too many nuts in my morning snack? Do I really have to turn to disgusting non-fat, low-sugar, no-taste substitutions for the real thing? Is that really the only way? I already eat mostly protein and fruits and veggies. I cut out most starches, allowing myself just enough to make minimum daily fiber requirements. I drink only water (after that cup of coffee). I skip all desserts and snack on healthy things like fruit and nuts. But apparently, to really do this weight loss thing effectively, and in a somewhat timely manner, I'm going to have to be more than just good, I'm going to have to seriously buckle down.

Its just such a steep learning curve. I've never been a really bad eater, and I've already made a lot of really good permanent changes in my diet. But apparently more must be done. I just wish I knew what. There are programs I could join, experts I could consult, even pills I could take ... but I'm too stubborn. Surely I can do this! Its just about eating right and exercising, right? And yet the scale says there must be more. Its frustrating.

That's where I am today: frustrated. Still getting up early to exercise, still making the wise food choices, and just praying this week's venture onto the scale is more encouraging.

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