Proverbs

Leaning on my own understanding, wisdom, knowledge, experience ... is so easy to do. Most of the time I can keep myself out of big jams and can even figure out complicated problems. But lately, I am continually being reminded of the great folly of leaving God and HIS wisdom out of the equation. I think there is great danger when we believe our own wisdom to be sufficient, even better, than God's. These twelve verses in Proverbs have reminded me of the importance, the necessity, of leaning on God's understanding, trusting his wisdom and guidance. Perhaps they will do the same for you.

1 My son, do not forget my teaching,
But let your heart keep my commandments;

2 For length of days and years of life
And peace they will add to you.

3 Do not let kindness and truth leave you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart.

4 So you will find favor and good repute
In the sight of God and man.

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.

6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.

8 It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones.

9 Honor the LORD from your wealth
And from the first of all your produce;

10 So your barns will be filled with plenty
And your vats will overflow with new wine.

11 My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD
Or loathe His reproof,

12 For whom the LORD loves He reproves,
Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.

one way to spend a weekend

For some reason, the thing I remember most clearly from that morning is the time on the clock. It was dark in the room, Caleb was sound asleep, the pain consumed me, and yet I took a moment of clarity to memorize the digital message: 3:43 a.m. Too early to be up. Why am I up? And then as I became more lucid, I was suddenly extremely aware of the intense pain in my back.

Oh no, say it isn’t so. The last time I felt pain like this it was a … but it can’t be, I don’t want it to be. It may have been 14 years ago, but I remember that pain, and it was really bad. I really didn’t want to do that one over again. But, though I try and deny it, but this was exactly the same kind of pain.

It took only moments to move from denial to acceptance. Kidney stone. And that means only one thing: emergency room. NOW.

The stupid things are measured in millimeters. MILLIMETERS! And yet they cause pain that most who’ve experienced them describe as “the worst pain I’ve ever felt.” How does something so small cause so much turbulence? And more importantly, how do I stop it??

Well, my groaning woke up Caleb, and within about 10 minutes we were dressed and on our way to the emergency room at St. Jude’s. I think we were there by a little after 4 a.m. They made me answer some questions, sent me to pee in a cup, and eventually gave me a room, with a warm hospital gown and a warm blanket … and best of all, pain medication. Ah, sweet relief was on its way!

They drew blood, started me on an IV, and gave me the first dose of pain meds. Then the second dose. Then a third dose to help with the nausea often induced by the second dose. People came and went from the room … the nurse with the pain meds, the doctor assuring me they’d check me out, the guy taking the blood sample, and then the guy who wheeled me to the CAT scan room. His name was Michael. Another thing I remember clearly. The CAT scan was how they determined that it was, indeed, a kidney stone. Caleb got to watch the digital pictures of my insides with the CAT scan tech. He thought that was cool. I just wanted more pain medication … which they gave me after I was wheeled back to my room.

That fourth dose of meds took the last of the lingering pain away, and left me feeling warm and fuzzy all over. But it also left me extremely woozy. By about 6:30 they released me from the hospital, and into a weekend of more pain and extreme nausea. I spent all day Saturday and Sunday unable to keep any food down, feeling pretty miserable. By late Sunday night the nausea finally abated, and I was able to eat a piece of bread. I’ve never been so excited for a piece of bread in my life. I spent Monday and Tuesday recovering from Saturday and Sunday, mostly eating and sleeping, and by Wednesday morning was back at work. Although, I only made it until 12:30.

Today is Thursday. I still haven’t passed the stone, but for some reason am not feeling much pain. So I’m medication-free for the time being. I suppose I could have passed it without knowing, but I’m pretty sure that hasn’t happened. And I’m dreading that now-familiar feeling of the pain returning, reminding me of the slightly-larger-than-a-piece-of-sand sized stone wreaking havoc within me.

They say men call kidney stones the worst pain they’ve ever felt, while women tend to liken them to childbirth. My aunt, whose had both, always said she preferred childbirth, because at least when it was over she had something to show for it. I’ve never given birth, so I stick with the men for now and simply call it the worst pain I’ve known. And maybe I’ve proven I’ll make it through childbirth some day.

I guess today I just say thank God for prescription narcotics, warm hospital blankets and the most patient and caring husband a woman could ask for. I don’t know what I would have done without them.

weight loss update

Weight loss has to be one of the hardest endeavors I have ever undertaken. There is just no easy way around it, if I want to lose weight I have to constantly eat the right things, and I must exercise … regularly! And being as how I still have about 25 pounds to lose, still more than half my original goal, I sometimes look at the road ahead with a sense of profound weariness. I find my motivation waning, my enthusiasm dissipating. I’ve already been at this so long, and I just want to be finished.

In the last two months I lost all of three pounds, one of which I gained back over a weekend I decided to eat chocolate chip cookies like they were just chips.

I suddenly realized my whole plan was under attack. I was still working out in the mornings, but skipping more days than I really should have. And I was cheating more and more with foods I should have been saying “no” to. Slowly but surely, though for the most part I wasn’t gaining anything back, I was no longer losing.

I think there are a couple factors contributing to my current plateau. One, I’m a little tired of all the early morning exercising and the daily denial of things I want. Two, I’ve had to toss half my wardrobe already, indicating some real success in the past several months … and I started really enjoying how much I’ve already lost (nearly 20 pounds … nothing to shake a fist at, I realize). My satisfaction with what I’ve already done began to overshadow the need to lose any more. And three, selfish desires and a loss of vision just plain took over.

But I don’t want to settle for half way! Especially when I KNOW I can do this. So, I’m revamping. I’m ready to attack this goal again, its time to get back to regular weight loss. At the rate I’ve BEEN going, I wouldn’t reach my goals until 2010, and that is simply unacceptable, Soldier!

Whoa, sorry.

Anyway, I’ve done it once already, so there’s no excuse to thinking I couldn’t do it again. If I lost 20 pounds once, why can’t I do it again? No reason, I say. No reason at all. Besides, its time to push on and get myself to the true finish line.

My reasons now are borne more out of frustration and an overwhelming desire to just be DONE with the weight loss part of my life and get onto weight maintenance. Maintenance is not simple, but it’s sure easier than loss. Loss requires harder exercising and more restrictive eating. Maintenance allows for a few more treats here and there, and I like treats.

So I made a plan for myself, an ambitious plan. I want to be done by September 1. If I lose 1.5 pounds a week until then, I’ll be there. I’ll be at my goal. Yes, its ambitious. But I’ve already proven to myself that when I’m focused and determined, I CAN lose that pound-and-a-half a week! I CAN! And the sooner I get it done, the sooner it will be … well … done. And the vision of myself a few sizes smaller, the one I see so clearly in my mind’s eye, will be a reality. Look out Brea Mall!!

This is my first week back on strict weight-loss habits. I’ll let you know how it goes.

digital China

I have finally gotten around to scanning a bunch of my pictures from my years in China ... yes, days BEFORE digital! I've only just started uploading the pictures I scanned, but if you're interested in taking a look at what I've got so far, click here. I'll also put a link on the "bookmark" at the right. More to come!

on wisdom

Proverbs 1:1-6 “The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel: To know wisdom and instruction, to discern the sayings of understanding, to receive instruction in wise behavior, righteousness, justice and equity; to give prudence to the naïve, to the youth knowledge and discretion, a wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel, to understand a proverb and a figure, the words of the wise and their riddles.”

I have to admit, I wasn’t in church on Sunday. My excuse is a good one … I was in Sequoia National Park with Caleb, celebrating our first anniversary (see previous blogs). Normally I wouldn’t even mention it, except that this week Pastor Rick started a new series in Proverbs, and I’m pretty excited about it.

Though I wasn’t in church Sunday, I was at Bible study last night, and we had an opportunity to discuss the first chapter in Proverbs for ourselves. I suppose I could go to Proverbs any time I want, I don’t have to wait for the pastor to begin teaching on it. But, I haven’t. And besides, I love good discussion over the Bible, especially a book so full of profound wisdom.

Wisdom: it’s the theme of much of the book’s 31 chapters. When it’s not talking about the importance of wisdom itself, its sharing profound wisdom through simple insight and instruction. It’s interesting to me how simple a thing wisdom seems to be to describe, and yet how difficult a thing it is to attain … and how few people seem to be truly wise! Most wise people, truly wise people, have spent a lifetime becoming so.

I greatly desire wisdom in my life. And though I have some ideas on what it requires, I look forward to further study, knowing it will teach me so much I don’t know.

Today I find myself musing over my initial observation of wisdom: its reliance on humility. I don’t believe you can have the one without the other. If we are proud, and positive that we already have all the answers, then there is no room to grow or learn, and we remain stuck in our very small box of human knowledge and experience. But if we are humble, and admit to ourselves and others that we don’t have all the answers, there is room for our understanding to grow. Caleb described it well in saying the fool has a very small, narrow and short-sighted view of the world, whereas the wise person sees the bigger picture, and the long-term.

Also, the wise thing is not always the popular thing, or the easy thing, and sometimes only a humble person, who does not care much how others view him, can even follow through with what they know to be right and wise.

I recently read an article by an educator who said, “Education, gives us the privilege to change our minds” (or something to that effect). I found this simple thought so profound (which is probably why it stuck with me). And I think its linked closely with wisdom. Wisdom pursues knowledge, pursues righteousness, and never assumes it already knows the answer. A wise man is willing to entertain ideas and seek knowledge he does not already know, and is humble enough to change his mind, should the evidence demand it.

I think my dad is a great example of wisdom in daily action. He never accepts the status quo or the assumed answer to be correct. He always has to go out and find the answer for himself. It’s actually a bit annoying sometimes. I will share something I’m sure I know is true, and he will invariably ask me, “How do you know that? Did you do the research?” Sometimes I have, oftentimes I haven’t. I’ve become very careful about what I declare as hard-and-fast truth in front of him … at least until I have corroborative evidence. And I’m slowly but surely learning this lesson in my life in general. Whenever I’m presented with new information, or a new way of thinking, I try and remember to seek out the truth from several sources, and see if it matches.

The practice seems simple, and yet I know very few people who come at life that way, with so many questions, and yet without a hint of cynicism or pride in their tone, which is key. It is simply humility of the mind and heart seeking truth.

There are so many myriad facets to the virtue of wisdom. Today I have barely scratched the surface, even in humility’s relationship with it. I look forward to further probing all that Proverbs has to teach me, as well as further exploring wisdom.